so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize