My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
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I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
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Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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