Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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