Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
