Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize