To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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