i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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