I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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