i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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