The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
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I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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