I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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