I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
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