Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize