Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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