FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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