Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize