nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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