remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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