Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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