A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Need sex. Gaining weight.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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