her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize