i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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