Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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