i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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