I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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