If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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