I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize