shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize