I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize