I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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