Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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