I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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