i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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