I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
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Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
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SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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