i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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