Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize