Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
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She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
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I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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