thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize