It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
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Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
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But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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