Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
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I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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