Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
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I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
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I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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