he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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