My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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