that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
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Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
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You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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