so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
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Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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Im part way to drunk.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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