I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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