I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
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Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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