So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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