I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I met the friendliest cop last night
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The air was thick with penises
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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