chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize